Mental-fitness Blog

I only have one bathroom in my home.

When I have my grandkids visiting, I’ve learned to use the bathroom as soon as I think I need to, because later it might be occupied for an indefinite amount of time.

My grandkids are visiting for a few weeks this summer so they can attend summer camp nearby.  I’m used to having them over for weekends, when my time is flexible, but not during the work week.

Concerned about how the kid’s morning routine might impact mine, I attempted to make a bathroom schedule with my son.  I have a daily morning routine that leaves me in a creative, energetic, and positive state.  After that, I take a shower and prepare for the day.

My son couldn’t be bothered.  He has honed one of those laid back, come what may, personalities, that couldn’t believe I was serious.

I went to bed, forgetting about my evening routine.

The next morning, I jumped out of bed, skipped my regular morning routine and raced into the bathroom to take my shower before being disturbed.

Then I hastily got dressed and started my day.

I was miserable.

Negative stories and thoughts started to creep in, and I became fearful and started to cry.

Then it hit me!

I’d skipped my morning routine.  I laughed.

I paused.

I restarted my day with my regular morning routine.

This simple scarcity thought: “I can’t use the bathroom when I want to,” settled into my brain and caused me to skip both my evening and morning routines, leaving a vacant space in my mind.

When you leave a vacant space in your mind, old habits, negative thoughts, and negative stories will fill the space and steal your peace.

So, what can you do to reclaim your peace?

Step One:  Prepare in advance.

Life happens.  We’re not perfect, and we’re not designed to be.  Create your life affirming story with “I am” statements, and practice reading this as part of your daily routine.  These life affirming stories/statements of who you are can be read any time and as often as needed. 

I have a story that I read every morning and every evening.  They feed my mind with the thoughts I want to keep front and center to allow me to be in a place of abundance, and of ease and flow.

Step Two: Notice when your emotional state is off balance.

Let’s be real.  It’s one thing to notice and spiral down into the negative story or emotion anyway.  I used to do this way too often.  Not enough to lose all my friends, but enough to steal MY peace and impact theirs as well when they wanted to empathize with me.

So, this step is not about noticing and spiraling anyway, it’s about noticing and getting curious.  Ask yourself, “What caused this story to come back into my consciousness?”  Once you get curious, you can’t continue with the story, or re-live the emotion, because you have to step outside the story for your brain to answer the question.  My brain told me that I had forgotten my morning routine.

Step Three:  Change your state.

In order to break the pattern, you need to mess it up the way that negative thought/story was messing you up.  I laughed.  If you don’t feel comfortable laughing, then smile.  Laughter and smiling are my go to state changers because this action releases natural “feel good” hormones (i.e. dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins), which decrease stress, improve mood and helps you think more positively.

Step Four:  Pause.

There is a secret to this pause.  You don’t just stop.  You stop and spend at least 30 seconds to 2 minutes in a mindfulness exercise.  This resets your mind, allows you to have more clarity of thought, and shuts off the negative stories and thoughts.  You can then choose what to fill that space with.  You’ve heard people say, “take a deep breath before proceeding.”  Well, this is why.

Unfortunately, many do the breathing wrong.  Have you ever witnessed someone breathing deeply, while staring at someone with a look that could kill?  (OK, so we call that “fuming.”)  That is breathing done wrong.  That is breathing while focusing on the negative story or emotion.

The trick to breathing so that it is effective for clearing your mind, is to focus on one aspect of the breathing and nothing else.  If you need longer than 30 seconds, you might start with focusing on the sound of your breathing, then move to the feel of your belly or chest as it rises and falls, then to the feel of your breath against the back of your hand.

Once that negative thought or story has receded from your mind, move to the next step.

Step Five:  Fill the vacant space.

Now it’s time to pull out that life affirming story and fill the vacant space.  You might want to set a timer and refill that space two or three more times that day.  I have my story as a recording on my phone, so when I need to, I can just listen to it, anywhere, anytime.

Remember, this is not about ignoring or even changing the past.  This is about how we choose to live our present, so we are not living in our excuses.

This is about living life more abundantly, in our relationships, our spirit, our health, and our finances.

P.S.  By the way, we now have a clear schedule for bathroom usage in the morning.  Everyone is happier, and ready on time!  Having the discussion from a place of abundance, made all the difference in the world.

The Mental Fitness articles address the tenets of Positive Intelligence® as well as the disciplines that help define it.